Rant

Oh man God...I was literally floating on cloud nine yesterday. From the moment I first saw his face and read his profile I knew he was exactly what I've been looking for. His eyes read heavy with life, with experience. And his name was the divine topping. I was so scared yesterday when I met him. It was like all the years of making the wrong decisions bought me to him, the right one. And I knew this would be the beginning of a love that I had only hoped for. Even though it was just the first date it felt too perfect. And then here comes the very next day. I see that he read my text messages from yesterday but did not respond. And then this morning I sent a good morning text and it remains unread. I check pof and he hasn't been online in over 15 hours so what happened God? Am I only allowed happiness in short bursts before I return to the melancholy state I call normal. See this is why I never get my hopes up (even though I always do). I mean God i'm just so tired of waiting and waiting while it seems that everyone else has found their happily ever after. It's like waiting at an shelter after a natural disaster, to see that beautiful beaming face only to find that all 365 survivors have already arrived and you're still standing...So what's next? Do I face the blue screen again. Swiping right when all I really want to do is swipe on your ring on my left? I know it's early but I don't need time to tell me what I have already read on stone, I'm sorry my desk. I saw you name written on my desk in the 10th grade surround by hearts and engraved deeply. From that day on I pursued you. Looking for a book, a suit, a man with your name on it. And I've found all three but neither made me fall in love. Instead I fell in education fixation, materially validation and lust but never love. Until I saw you turn that corner and your voice became my drug. That cigarette you held, the look in your eyes, the hug we shared, I thought it sealed the deal? Where did you go?