I'm putting away soft dark and dreamless

Maybe I'm no longer soft dark and dreamless,
No longer clinging to the misery I have come to love.
I didn't love it so much,
But just like a dog I learned to love it because that is what took care of me.

It fed me when I was alone,
And gave me a place to stay when I was afraid.
I was comfortable with calling myself lost.
Lost in the motion of things,
Lost in translation,
Lost in this nation.

I didn't feel the need to try to achieve what others would call
"Emotional Necessities".
I mean I had the golden ticket,
The classic admission story in to any book about struggle.

No father,
Deranged mother,
Young black girl with brains
And a round body to sell.

I was the perfect make a wish child,
Except that I wasn't white and I didn't have cancer.
But I had the same heart and the same dreams of those children,
The only difference was that they had a way out and I didn't.

So I seized the opportunity to become an emotional wreck,
My motto was, "What makes my actions fair is life is unfair".
I believed I was entitled to this,
because of all the other entitled things that seemed to be to far beyond my reach.

For a while the out pour of pity will feel enabling and ruthless,
But then it will start to feel...good.
And the out-pour will start to resemble a slow,
Stagnated trickle, need I say more?
I think it's time for me to say goodbye.