Find me behind the blinds

My eyes fill with unknown tears,
They don't do a good job blocking out my hidden fears,
I don't know why i am the way i am,
I seem to be all over the place when shit hits the fan.

I was beautiful and smart...to the naked eye
But inside I was an inferno with guilt clipped to my side,
My escape were my grades
But my fears were to contract aids.

I've seen the therapists, the psychologists
Maybe even an opthamologist,
But what do they all say?
Baby, you are okay come back another day,

And so i come back and back, it's an addiction now
To hear the voices, the crunch, the seducing sounds
Of their voices contemplating their next move,
While i contemplate what is really food?

So now i'm here with breaking news,
I'm not the child you once knew,
I hate school and all it's credentials,
And yes i may be a bit mental

So please punish me, its the only way
To see my future in modern day,
See love heals, it moderates hate
Maybe that's what i need to finally become the saint.