Maybe i'm not made for marriage

I'm not made for marriage, i realized this only moments ago. 

Not because I refuse to be faithful or that i despise men 

but because i enjoy liberty too much to fall in love again. 

I enjoy my time with God and I enjoy having the Holy Spirit around me. 

I cry after sex and I'll even cry after masturbation.

I don't enjoy the feeling of having the Holy Spirit depart from me. 

I'll relinquish sex if I can forever dwell with the Holy Spirit. 

I'll never entice my heart to love again if I can remain in God's presence. 

Nothing in and of this world compares to God and His glorious kingdom. 

That is where I belong and no where else. 

I believe only some people are meant for romantic relationships and marriage.

I use to think that is all I'm missing in life but it isn't.

I'm convinced that God is only supplying a husband because I asked Him 

but i change my mind,

I want to be single.

 It feels better and I feel complete without one. 

I'll adopt a little baby and raise it in the Word of God. 

If i don't have children then that's alright too. 

I don't mind loving from afar as i do my love who is 270 miles away,

It never hurts and it remains pure. 

If i continue to have a unrequited love for him, he can't hurt me

and i can't hurt him and we can't hurt God. 

It's the best thing in the world.

 I'll keep my unrequited love until he marries

then I'll move on with life and on to the next chapter of my life.

 I'll travel alone or with friends or 

end up living right outside of the church, Just where i need to be.

I think i know what i want now. 

I want hills and mountains,

I want to live out on the terrain, 

where the waves are endless and the magic happens to no limit. 

I want the soft breeze of the sun and even the heavy air of the thunderstorm.

 I'll freeze in the winter and wait anxiously for the first ray of spring to land in front of me. 

I'll walk right in to the light and it'll taste sweet like honey and locus. 

And if i ever marry a man he'll the enjoy the same as i do. 

He'll value his relationship God and all His wonders more than he does me.

And I'll do the same, 

see this is where i belong.

I will remain single if I can't have this because this means more to me than anything else of the world.